Why Do Single People's Celebrations Matter Less?
When the joy is dialed down for single people only.
Welcome to Hey Shani, an advice column by Shani Silver. I am accepting new questions! Email yours to heyshanisubstack@gmail.com.
#176, August 11th, 2026
Hey Shani,
I know a birthday is not a wedding. I know that me buying a house isn’t as big of a deal as someone having a baby. I understand the difference between the size of celebrations and the reasons we show up for our friends and family. But I am really tired of feeling like no one ever shows up for me the way they show up for other people. “Celebrating myself” isn’t enough. I want to feel celebrated by others too and I’m starting to think that will never happen.
Hey You,
There is certainly a logical component to celebrations. Some things are “bigger deals” than others. Nobody wants to say that, because singles are already so far behind in terms of celebration and we’ve had enough let-downs, but I think that’s where we get it wrong. Trying to convince social norms to celebrate a single person’s big moments as if they were the same as the couplehood celebratory norms we’ve grown up with—that’s not going to work. I don’t think it works when we try to elevate a single person’s celebrations to the same level that society thinks couples should be celebrated. I think instead we have to bring coupled people’s celebrations back down to earth a lot more, and start finding more equality and balanced joy that way. For the record, you deserve to be celebrated with all the effort and enthusiasm people show to couples, period.
I hate that our events and accomplishments are less celebrated than the classic three. Engagements, Weddings, Babies. The trifecta of unbridled celebration, expense, and effort. If you are a single woman, you’re familiar with how differently people’s faces look when you give them good news, versus when someone in partnership does. I could say it makes me angry, I could express my disappointment in others, or in society itself. But mostly all it does is make me sad. So as I answer your question I want you to remember that I’m on very intimate terms with sadness, and I refuse to simply accept that single people, particularly single women, have to settle for golf claps.