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#55, April 9th 2024
Hey Shani,
I’ve been struggling lately with the ways my friends think of me, and describe me. They often say I’m “no bullshit,” I “know what I want” or I’m “no nonsense.” I don’t understand what any of these phrases are supposed to mean. From my perspective, I feel like what they’re really saying is that I’m difficult or a bitch. I don’t feel that way, so why do other people perceive me in a way that’s so different from how I feel?
Hey You,
I don’t know what you actually are apart from…my people, but I’ll give this a try. Since perhaps birth I’ve found myself entirely misunderstood by those around me, and this can often go one of two ways: First, you just resign yourself to the discomfort of never being known and living a painfully lonely existence, or you internalize the confusion to mean you’re just not very good at showing up as yourself. Both feel like ass, honestly.
I like to believe in a third option, one that decentralizes what other people think so that we’re able to carry on with our day and indeed our lives without feeling ashamed. There’s a lot of shame that comes with being almost universally misunderstood. For some reason the things they misunderstand are never good traits, are they? They’re always attributes that embarrass us, because the idea that we actually come across in a way that’s so different from what we intend and so counter to who we know we are is horrifying. What the fuck does “no nonsense” mean? Like there are people who enjoy absorbing nonsense and they’re somehow better than you? Please.