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#56, April 16th 2024
Hey Shani,
I am in a job environment that’s abusive and bullying. I’ve been looking for a new job for seven months and cannot find one. I am desperate to get out but so scared to leave without having a new job first. Help?
Hey You,
Are we twins? Are you my long-lost sibling? Hello! You just described at least eight years of my professional life. I would love nothing more than to help. Professional bullying and abuse are not discussed (or addressed) as much as they should be. They’re typically written off as a “normal” part of having a steady paycheck. Societally, it can seem like nothing matters as long as an employer is paying you and giving you health insurance. Personally? I don’t think your job should damage your life.
I have been in wildly abusive roles, and have worked with incredibly hateful people, none of whom ever saw consequences for their behavior (to my knowledge). We won’t talk about how I was professionally abused in my twenties, because quite frankly I still can’t. (Thanks, startup culture!) Skip ahead to my thirties, and after a few years and two more abusive jobs, I thought I’d finally escaped the pattern and found a new, quality role after nine months of searching. Within six weeks of working there, I was hiding Xanax in my desk and taking it daily. (I typically take my as-needed prescription once or twice a year.) I was quite literally having a mental breakdown, so I quit my job without having a new one lined up, and without having any access to that all-important health insurance. What you’re thinking of doing, I’ve done. It is not easy, but babe: it is possible.