"Women Aren't Having Babies!"
Insensitive, inaccurate messaging & it's impact on single women.
Welcome to Hey Shani, an advice column by Shani Silver. I am accepting new questions! Email yours to heyshanisubstack@gmail.com.
#163, May 26th, 2026
Hey Shani,
I read an interesting article about the regret that this woman felt at 41, for prioritizing her career over love and motherhood. And when I saw the comments blaming these women and saying they were lied to, I felt saddened and a little angry. I don't feel like I was lied to, I’m grateful I have work and can pay my bills, even if it means I live paycheck to paycheck sometimes. I have a lot more thoughts on this matter, but I'd love to know what you think.
Facebook post about the article that was shared with me, with comments
Hey You,
I thought the article was interesting, and I almost expect to see similar ones routinely published at this point. “Women aren’t having babies!” is the jump-scare du jour, and they’ll always find a way to blame women for it. This time it’s “She was too focused on her career,” that old chestnut. I’m going to focus my answer on the article’s subject matter, as opposed to the Facebook post that featured it and the comments that used it as an invitation to spout religious propaganda to pressure women, particularly young women, into having children. We know what actually happens to women who are coerced, pressured, or flat-out forced to have children when they’re young, particularly via religious control. I won’t debate an argument that routinely proves itself wrong and then ignores its own history.
I’d like to focus on the idea of not having children, not because you chose a childfree life, but because it’s the life that played out for you. By now I think we all know that there are plenty of different pathways to parenthood, as well as different pathways to a life without children. As a society we need to be able to hold space in our hearts and communities for every outcome, because each one is valid. What we cannot do is continue to believe or perpetuate the idea that someone “forgot” to have children because she was “too focused on her career.” That bullshit must die.