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#42, January 9th, 2024
Hey Shani,
My friends recently said to me: we NEED to get you a husband, we HAVE to get you married off. Now, yeah, I would like to get married one day but it’s like really??? This was followed by a barrage of, do you not want to ever get married? Are you picky? You need to get out there! It was so bombarded I didn’t even know what to say without sounding violent.
Hey You,
I mean shit I’d go ahead and sound violent in that situation. Here’s the ever-present dilemma: People who are single AND their friends, ALL want the single person to find a partner. The difference is, single people do it with dignity. The friends tend to make the situation shameful, full of blame, ignorant of actual circumstances, and absolutely powdered donut-covered in pressure to settle. You can defend yourself to your friends in these situations or you can try to wrangle five kittens into a fanny pack. Guess which activity is easier.
The investment level here is a bit high for the circumstance, I’ll say that. Does anyone actually “need” you find a husband? No, not even you. Want and need are too often confused in modern vernacular and it’s not doing single people any favors. You want a partner, they want you to find a partner. The only thing they have any business saying with their mouths after that is “I’m sorry you haven’t found the right partner for you. You deserve that, and I hope that one day you find it.” Literally anything else, anything, is offensive, hurtful, and/or degrading to single people. Why do we keep letting them get away with that by trying to defend ourselves instead of pointing out how offensive they are?