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#59, May 7th 2024
Hey Shani,
How do I stop needing validation from my parents?
Hey You,
There are few things I enjoy as much as dismantling childhood hangovers. Thank you asking this question! Let’s start by giving ourselves some grace and understanding that during our most formative years, we were taught that pleasing our parents resulted in safety, and our basic needs being met. Displeasing our parents when we’re little can be terrifying, because they are 100% responsible for our security. So when “I’m disappointed in you” makes you feel like the floor is about to fall out from beneath your feet, it’s because you’ve been hardwired to feel that way. We don’t all snap out of that the second we turn 18 and I think it’s okay to talk about it.
You are valid regardless of what your parents think of you, and I know that consciously we’re all aware of that. But our conscious minds aren’t in charge when we need validation from our parents as adults—our subconscious minds and our inner children are at the wheel. And no offense to any of us but those idiots don’t know how to drive.